Scattered Again

I always use that word for when I feel this way as it’s the only explanation I can come up with for the way I feel. I don’t have any focus this week at all, I can’t believe it’s Thursday and I’ve achieved very little at all. I’m now sitting about worrying about all the stuff I do want/need to do and I need to come up with some plan to deal with it and get moving again as I hate it when my head isn’t working properly and I feel grumpy and out of sorts like this.

Having decided to sell the business I am now just not getting on with doing it. I was intending to carry on making stock until it was sold but I have really lost all enthusiasm and feel like I don’t want to make stock for someone else to sell. What I plan to do now (as of about half an hour ago!) is to finish off the stock that’s sitting on my work table and then finish off the sale documents by listing everything that I have related to the business and then advertise the damn thing. I am hoping that the sale proceeds will help get us to Portland for our recce visit and we want to do that sooner rather than later so I need to get my ass in gear on this and just do it. It’s not the selling that’s stopping me, I’m more than ready to be done with the business and I’m looking forward to loosing the ‘I should be working’ guilt that I’ve had these last few years. I think it’s the fear of it not selling that worries me, that no one will want it and I will have to come up with some other way to get rid of everything, but I need to try this out first and then deal with that if it happens…

Then there are all the other projects that I want to do. I have 3 outfits for Little One waiting to be made as well as a load of other stuff I have ideas for that I’d like to make him. Then there are the bits I’d like to have a go at for me, but I am trying to sort out my diet and hopefully loose some weight so I’m restricted to things that will look ok if they’re too big which is a bit frustrating when I want to be making dresses etc.

I started my sister’s quilt and I have until next Friday to finish it, um yeah, you read that right, I have just over a week… It’s not very big and the main bits are cut out, it’s just putting it together now and I realised (because I’m dumb and didn’t think before) that I need to buy some more thread as I don’t have all the ones I need. I also still need to buy the batting and there is a step in the directions about 3 steps further on from where I am that I don’t really understand so I’m procrastinating… We’re planning on going into town tomorrow morning so I can hopefully get the thread and batting then and get on with it, but it’s been hard to concentrate when my brain is feeling this way.

Add to that the fact that I’m worried that Little One can’t start nursery because he got really against the potty training and didn’t want to wear ‘big boy pants’ so we’ve stopped again on that and I can’t ring the school to find out whether they will accept him or not because they’re shut for Easter and he’s supposed to start in 2 or 3 weeks and I’m frustrated…. Pushing him it totally the wrong thing to do and doesn’t work at all as he has inherited a double dose of stubbornness and I just can’t do the letting him run about with no nappy or trousers on as we have carpets and I could not handle the cleaning up of messes, the idea just makes me shudder… I was thinking maybe if I put him him pull ups for nursery then if he saw the other kids using the toilet and wanted to try he could, but we’ve always used washable nappies or at least eco disposables and you can’t get eco disposable pull up pants and it’s frustrating (that word again) that we will have gotten through almost 3 years without putting more than 4 or 5 regular disposable diapers into landfill (if a member of staff changed him at the hospital they put him in a Pampers, if we changed him he went in an eco disposable) and to start now is a horrible thought but I don’t know what else to do… Yes, I could postpone nursery but he is really so ready for it and he will absolutely adore it that I’d be sad if he had to wait longer, he’s starting to get a little bored with being at home and needs more stimulation.

My house is a mess and I have no idea how to get it clean and keep it clean. I hate cleaning and have no routine, I basically just don’t bother with it which isn’t a good thing. I can’t even get up the enthusiasm to figure out what I need to do to get it clean let alone figure out a routine so that it remains that way.

Sorry, I’m just whinging here, sigh…. I know it sounds especially bad to those of you who go out to work all day, here I am moaning because I want to do my hobbies more, what a crappy way to think huh?

Knitting, in case anyone is still reading, I finished off the front of the Little Black Top last night and will pin it out to block this afternoon. I have started Harry from Pipsqueaks by Rowan for Little One in light blue Cottonease, only done about 6 inches of the back but it’s mainly on 5mm needles to it should go quite fast, although the sleeves are all ribbing so I will have to do one after the back rather than 2 of them in a row! I haven’t touched anything else but I must cast on for the second Sock Pal sock soon and get that finished, just need a small break before I start again.

Right, I shall stop boring you all with my petty whinges and try and get on with something, anything…..


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